only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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