they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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