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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
