Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
