I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
