Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's official drugs can't kill me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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