I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize