Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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