i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
