i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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