Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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