i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
