fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
