I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
