yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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