I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
