I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
