You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
