I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
