I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
