I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
