I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
