There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
