She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
