Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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