I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
