I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
