from now on my penis is your penis
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
