We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
