Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
