So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
