Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
