how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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