she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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