I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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