You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
