I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
