I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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