Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
