cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize