i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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