Will you blow on my dice?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize