I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
