I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
