We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
