You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
