I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Randomize
