Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
