i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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