seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
