So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
