Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
