I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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