She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
