Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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