I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
