You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
