So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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