32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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