i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
