would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
