Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
