Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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