He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Less talking, more tequila
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
